Definitely take the benzo, so you can be more calm receiving messages coming back to you.

I couldn't get into this with my T bc he starts out with a hard line not welcoming it. I get so sad within the negative space around therapy. My T seems connected and caring during session, but he seems to punch the clock out bc he is an older guy with young kids and wants a four day weekend. He would never check on me or any other patient , and that makes me cynical a bit about the whole process. I could thrive, I could experience violence or die- he just would not care unless it happened in my 45 minute window. There's no use to really explore the relationship between us, bc to him there isn't one except during the suspended, and special session time.