Your T did not say you were a victim of your husband, she said you would always feel victimized. Your husband is not abusing you, you are abusing yourself putting up with your husband's bad behavior and/or not finding ways to overlook some of it to get to the reasons you presumably fell in love with and married him?

If my husband were to suddenly turn into a surly, bad-tempered, whiny cretin :-) I would have to look at that behavior in light of what I wanted for myself and why I think he had become such a person, whether I thought it was going to be permanent and whether I felt he "minded" behaving that way (there'd better be a lot of apologizing going on if he wants me to continue to care for him in that condition :-) He'd get some positive credit for the 18 years he's behaved well and like "himself". That's the key, I think, is your husband "himself" do you think? Is this who he is? If you haven't had a whole lot of positive experiences with him, I don't understand why you are so invested in staying with him and caring for him in this state.