I have been struggling a lot lately, in terms of self-care and not doing anything, and I was trying to figure out why and with my therapist, he helped me realized that my problems are about my trauma. I think that this was the straw that broke the camel's back in me; my tipping point. I said that I feel like I am procrastinating on life for the past couple of months, and he mentioned that procrastinating usually meant that you were anxious about something (something like this), and this is what I concluded it was.

I think the things I should have realized earlier that this was my problem was the irritability and the problems with sleep. It was hard for me to think this because I am struggling with depression, and was in an episode of depression before my trauma, so it was hard for me to determine what symptoms come from what, and I think that this applies to everyone. But for me, I have never had problems falling asleep, even with depression. The only time I had problems with sleep was if I was anxious a lot the night before (this was not that common though for me), and this has been a problem since my trauma. I take prescribed sleeping medication now and I never needed it before. And I am irritable now, when I was never before, and my previous therapist told me that I would never get angry and that this was a problem, and now I feel angry (more irritable) quite often.

Anyways, the things I struggle with, as I assume most people with PTSD know, is the avoidance of triggers, having hyper-arousal, and a lot of self-blaming for what happened. And I just want to get back to my life. I don't want to fear walking down the street, or being scared by noises, and I would like to try and develop relationships. I want to be interested in things again.

But I am scared about talking about my trauma. I made a list of things I avoid because of my trauma, and it took me like half an hour or so, not because I couldn't think of what they were, but because I kept having flashbacks.

I feel like admitting my problems makes me an embarrassment. I am worried about talking about my problems because I know it's going to suck, and be hard, and I am going to have flashbacks while talking about it. He already knows what happens, because I was seeing him, my therapist, when the trauma occurred, and I was fine talking about it, but now I feel like I can't, and I just feel embarrassed. I am afraid of being seen as an attention seeker and someone who wants to have PTSD. My therapist would never say stuff like this, this is just my anxiety. What should I do? I can email him before my next session if I need to. Thank you.