Quote:
Originally Posted by LabRat27
I'm doing it.
I printed out most of the article (the most relevant bits), and marked and highlighted the relevant parts. I wrote out a note as a "cover letter" that says I don't necessarily agree with the author about everything and I don't know if he's right about the solution, but he did a good job describing the problem.
I'm going to ask him to read it while I sit on the floor behind my usual chair (an armchair) so that I don't have to look at him and he can't look at me. Yes, I'm really going to do this, and I'm going to refuse to let him read it unless it's under this condition. I can't bear the idea of him seeing me react to his rejection.
I also attached a note at the end saying that if my past attachment that followed this pattern was a 10, my current attachment to him is a 2-3, but of therapy continues then it will likely get stronger. I said I understand if he feels that he can't or shouldn't work with me in light of this, but that I'd really rather find out now when it's at a 2-3.
I requested that if that's the case, he not dance around the issue and just tell me straight out, preferably while I'm not looking at him and he can't see me (that is, while I'm still hiding behind my chair).
I intentionally kept myself from being manipulative. There's nothing passive aggressive or indicating how much it will hurt if he decides he can't work with me (other than the one request that he tell me when I'm out of his line of sight). I resisted the urge to put in anything about how much I've trusted him so far or anything guilt tripping about being too pathetic or too needy. Those are all things that we can discuss if he decides he still wants to be my therapist after reading this. If not, then it's not his problem, and I don't want to guilt him into not terminating.
And now I get to panic for the next 20 hours. Debating whether or not to give myself permission to take a benzo beforehand. I've told myself they're "for emergencies only," given my sobriety from alcohol and their potential for abuse. I just haven't decided whether or not this will qualify.
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I like this plan! Has your T ever referred to attachment with you in therapy in general? For example, my T isn't huge on attachment, but she has brought it up once in awhile in reference to me.
If so, I would maybe be slightly less anxious that he would outright reject you because of this. (If he is a decent T worth his salt, I can't imagine him saying he can't work with you)
Also: Whenever I give my T something to read of mine, I completely slink down into the tiniest ball possible, and put a pillow over my head until she is done. She has offered to leave the room--so I don't think it is weird at all that you dont' want to be seen. I don't either.
I hope it goes well! When is your appt?