I am sorry you are struggling with doubt. You sound like me, I am my own worst enemy. Our therapists are not here to judge, they are not here to like you or not like you, they are here to help you. To help you grow to be the person you want to become and need to become.

When I first talked about my trauma with my T (therapist) I made sure she was ready for me. I needed to know that she was not planning on any vacations in the near future, or surgeries, and that nothing big was happening in her life. That made it a lot easier for me to proceed. I also told my T about how nervous and uncertain I was. We went over the sensations to expect, what to do if I flip out, what she would do with me, what I needed to do with myself. That helped me to know what to expect.

Good luck with this. It is a painful process but when you come threw the other side looking back you will be glad you did it.