I even set Fred up bebo
And I got a little fed up
Of bumping into his pals
On a night out
And them chanting
About his size
Or asking about sex life
That I left a joke
On social media
Then wishing I hadn't
I would stake my life
On it that I was
Drunk. But it was
Really getting out of hand.
And Fred just bottled
It all up and took it elsewhere.
All I achieved was
Making a fool of myself

One of my dad's friends
Spoke to me on a night out
And when I came
Back out the bathroom
Fred had knocked him out cold
He was lying on the floor.
Fred said he thought
He was following me
Into the ladies? In a busy pub?
I told my brother
About him being possessive
And jealous and I was corrected
Just possessive.
Who would ever be jealous
Of someone like me?
Who had been in treatment
At mental health wing?
I get it. I get it.