I am so sorry you feel so badly. I have some (I guess) opinions I'd like to share with you. The appearance thing and reactions from strangers? Young, attractive people always get better service and treatment, i.e. attention than unattractive, overweight, handicapped or old people, in general. This attitude is universal, everywhere, throughout western culture. It's not you. Please don't take it personal, and I know that's hard. Just ignore them and go on, is one way to put it. I actually want to say ***k 'em. I also believe you are focusing on the right things by being concerned about your loved ones. I've been there. It is a special kind of loss and grief when a loved one leaves us like that. Please keep writing. I believe you are special.