Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild Coyote
I am very sorry this is all so stressful. I am concerned about the potential effects of ongoing stress upon you in the long run. 
Is it possible to set a target date with your son, one which determines when he needs to be ready to move out?
I am very concerned that you feel he might call the police on you and might try to take control of your life, as you have shared in your above post. Maybe be proactive and set a date for him to leave before there more chance of you potentially decompensating from ongoing stress?
I definitely do not have the answers. I want to be gentle in my suggestions and want to show the true concern I have for you in my heart.
WC |
WC, thank you for your caring and suggestions. Even though I write a lot about my feelings regarding my son's behavior and attitude, this thread is really about me and how I cope or fail to cope, and getting support to help me cope better. I have been traumatized by the police and my psychiatrist thinks I have PTSD. Every time I see a police car I end up locking it away in my brain for days if not weeks. It might be hard to empathize with my situation since it is so out of the ordinary. Setting a target date, an optimistic and a pessimistic one (I mean a range) might be a good idea to discuss with my son. I'll discuss with my psychiatrist next week.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSadGirl
I'm going to be blunt because I don't know how to be anything else. Kick his *** to the curb. Just from your posts I have seen a steady decline in your mental health and well being. You have given him a great opportunity and he is taking advantage of it. He is not a young child and you are not required to coddle him. Perhaps a swift kick in the arse will motivate him to get his life on track. I really think you would be doing him good as well as yourself.
I think with both the bipolar and lung cancer forums, moderation is key. Don't make it a main focus because it will just drag you down. My rule is that the worse I feel, the less time I spend here because I focus on how low I feel and I feel worse.
I am sorry for everything you deal with in regards to lung cancer. I can't begin to imagine what you have gone through, but I'm always here to lend an ear.
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Living with a lung cancer diagnosis, even if you are "no evidence of disease" status is tough. I spend too much time thinking of my eventual demise. That's not my son's fault but it does colour how I interact with him.
My son did live away from home for 5 years whilst he went to college, and graduated and he did work several terms in co-op so I know he can get a job and manage on his own again. I don't agree that the right thing to do is to kick him out today. Yesterday he did get about 15 or 20 applications in and figured out how to find more jobs to apply for. He gets a lot of anxiety whenever he sits down to do that work.
I told my psychiatrist last week that if he didn't start seriously applying for jobs we would be discussing kicking him out in our next session... If I see progress then I will be much happier and so will he.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shazerac
 you need to cut him loose. That’s my opinion. He has no incentive to make a life for himself. He has cushy situation where he gets everything for free and doesn’t have to work. The only thing he needs to do is verbally abuse and guilt trip his parent and he gets a free ride. |
I don't agree he has no incentive to make a life for himself, although I do see your point. Our situation here is not a simple one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fharraige
We're having to deal with that issue with two young adults. Our daughter said they were moving out this summer, postponed to this winter. Now don't know what's happening.
We're meeting with boyfriend's parents and their friends next week to make a drop-dead date.
They are the reason we are still in this hellhole of a house, and we gave them about three years to launch so far. Daughter used to have a job, and still needs one. I told her if she doesn't get one soon she may not go to the anime convention in August. She knows that but hasn't shown any action on her part. Her boyfriend is the opposite: works lots of hours at a supermarket but is not doing well in school.
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I am sorry you are facing a similar issue. It is a very tough position to be in as a parent. My son's problem is anxiety about making job applications. I think it helps if you can get to the bottom of why your daughter is not working. If she is not applying for jobs, does she know why?
I want to thank everyone who has responded on this thread. It helps me keep my sanity. I tend to write more when I am really frustrated and that would colour the impression of what is or is not going on here.