I am not sure where to begin, I have been homeless off and on for over 12 years, and have been diagnosed in the past with severe depression, though untill lately i never thought of the possibility of being bipolar. I sometimes have severe episodes of extreme depression, times where I don't even want to get out of bed. then other times i often have loads of energy and constantly on the go. (people have often accused me of being a tweaker, on meth or something) (I detest the stuff!) I havent seen my family in over 15 years, or talked to them in 8 partly because I was ashamed of being homeless and being branded a failure by my family, or being judged by them! well about 3 months ago I got a message on my myspace from my sister who I had lost contact with saying that she was trying to find me, i found out from her that my mother died......5 YEARS AGO!...now i have feelings of guilt and stress that I wasn't there for her (her dying wish was to see me!) i was homeless and constantly on the move, and usually in a particular town for a few months then moved along somewhere else! right now I am staying near LA with some people who are letting me use an extra room. I have no insurance, and am in SERIOUS need of counseling! but everybody wants money! I only get 200 bucks a month in welfare which goes to rent. Iwhen I think of getting help, i feel despair after being treated like a "second class citezen" for the last 12 years! I am afraid of strangers, and public places, and a bus ride across town is hell on me! I get lots of comfort from my dog Blondie, a poodle who has been with me for 11 years, she helps me deal with people and comforts me when I am depressed, as well as keeps me from doing stupid stuff like getting arrested for doing something stupid.
what I really NEED NOW! is counseling and treatment for bipolar, as well as PTSD (13 years ago my girlfriend died of an anuerism in bed and I found her and had to do CPR, but it didnt work. I NEED HELP NOW! anybody have any advice? my immediate email is hollywoodpoodle11@yahoo.com please any advice as well as the name of a counselor who isnt money greedy would help!!