So sorry you're in this spot; I think the reason you keep the ties
attached is an unconscious one, which was when you were very
young child,of course you craved to be loved which was not forthcoming--that craving is still in your subconscious,that child is STILL hoping it will be loved;and of course with Narcs that will never come. Try and talk to little you,YOU try and love her/him,you as child,doesn't KNOW its being irrational in present time . . .Jesus,mine were horrifying,and at one point (before I even heard of narcissism),I used to sing to excuse for m.,and visit them after I got married . . .they're dead now thank God,but you see my point? I had horrific physical abuse from them,and the child in me was STILL hoping for that love he craved inside my adult body at that time . . .the child inside does not disappear,they are STILL THERE . . .and oh dear God,you are NOT LESS THAN! Please start to work on your self-esteem,a psychologist/author helped me greatly,his name is
Nathaniel Branden,and 2 of his books I can recommend are:"The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem",and "Honoring The Self"; you may get them second-hand from Alibris,and so allow you to buy 2.
Meanwhile,start to talk to little you with love and caring.
Courage+Caring,
BLUEDOVE