I’m right there with you on feeling of failure. I’m sure you’re not stupid or incompetent but mind just is in a different place. Therapy don’t work with me because the moment I find someone I trust they leave. I try to talk to my wife but she doesn’t understand how my mind works. But this isn’t about me but about you and what you’re feeling inside. We are all our own worst enemy because we know exactly what to say to cause the most pain. Not going to give you a care bear happy “just love yourself” bs because I have a feeling it wouldn’t make you feel better. I don’t know what to tell you that would help since I don’t know you and things that bring any joy or close as you know of joy. Just know there are others out there who feel the same.