Considering printing out this article for my therapist, highlighting the most relevant parts, and having him read it while I hide behind the chair.
It was scarily accurate. It was like someone knew my deepest most shameful feelings and secrets and wrote an article about them.

Attachment to Therapist: A Primer

"When children carry distressing neediness day in and day out, in order to manage the constant pain, their mind eventually develops a value system that functions to suppress the constant ache. This system discourages conscious neediness by adopting an internal prohibition against it. “You shouldn’t need attention.” This is effective in pushing the yearning out of awareness, but further fuels its intensity."

"Having these three types of values standing against one’s natural feelings and longings intensifies them greatly and leads to huge amounts of shame. Along with the unfulfilled needs, themselves, these internal defenses form significant part of the difficulty patients bring to therapy."

"Transference refers to times in therapy when the patient’s words and actions reflect the child’s perceptions and methods for solving problems. Usually this is (unconsciously) filtered to make it seem reasonable. For example, the patient might think, “I just want help feeling better.” The feelings surrounding that thought would be more consistent with, “I want you to take away my pain.” Hopefully later, the patient might feel safer and more comfortable and might admit that “I want you to hold me and be there all the time.” That would be a more accurate rendition of the inner child’s true wish."