Hi WC,

I appreciate your support and know what you mean about feeling fragile and not quite able to cope. I was reluctant to put the label PTSD on my fears of the police. If I were to describe what happened probably no one would believe me or I would be judged as being 'crazy' because what I am describing fits the bill of being 'crazy'...

It was only because my pdoc described my symptoms as PTSD that I would use the word. For the last 2 weeks I have seen a police car on just about every short trip I've taken in my car. Then I start to get the idea that I am being followed or monitored and I don't want to go out. So I sit on my sofa and type into my computer instead of living a life.

Well I am still taking a few tokes every morning, but not later in the day. The past couple days I've been able to get by without taking a pain killer for my shoulder. Can't wait for the next massage.

WC, I don't even know how to have fun anymore. Yesterday after my son settled down post his disappointing result (to him) in the leetcode competition we sat down for ice cream in the evening and he seemed enthused about finding an advertized job just perfect for him. Once he gets into the swing of applying I am sure he will get to 20 applications or so a day. On the other hand he wasnt up before 11 am yesterday so he's slipping each day closer to the point where he wakes up in the afternoon and our schedules are so out of sync that we are not even hungry around the same times to eat together. We've always had our meals together, despite all of the ruptures in our relationship.

About my lung cancer diagnosis and treatment, I experience it as a constant threat that I might die very prematurely and in a painful way leaving my son an orphan before he is in a position to build his own family and have other people to rely on.