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Originally Posted by beyes2018
I'm not sure what is going on with me. I do and have had moments where I have forgotten what I was doing, driving, it typically happens when I am super stressed. I do not see things, I don't necessarily "hear" things like someone sitting in front of me and speaking to me. It's more like Different thoughts in my head, but VERY, VERY loud and they have their own tone, verbiage, etc. I am not paranoid, I don't think anyone is following me or anything like that (Schizophrenia) . I just always saw myself as a very multifaceted person. I have times where I enjoy certain things, then the next day I have absolutely interest or I think why would I like that or do that. It's like that with foods and smells as well. The noise in my head and what I mean is the different voices, with the different personalities is what is bugging me because I do not understand it. I have noticed or made an attempt to try to listen and pay attention to see if this is just my conscious (Self) or something else. It's something else because it's not using "I" when I hear it.. Example... I am going into the kitchen. I hear it with a different tone , You should go into the kitchen, or You need to do this, or you really don't like A, B, or C. Does this make sense? I have always wondered what this is. It seems to be getting worse and honestly I am afraid to say anything to anyone that I know including my spouse.
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This is just my experience and no way can I tell you if it is the same.
We (our system) is stressed, we enter a state of dissociation: the mind goes blank, dazed, split vision....then another steps forward to carry on till the next switch.
I always described the “voices” more as telepathy because it feels more like thinking to each other over hearing voices which I associate to psychosis and knowing I’m not psychotic even though I have a bipolar diagnosis- more just a mood disorder. Besides, I’ve taken anti-psychotics and all they do is give me migraines.
Being myself co-conscious, we too instruct each other what and how to do in our system because we work together to live the life line as a singular entity. We each have a job to do and try to work together to keep up this facade of being a normal singleton.
At first at 15 thirty-five years ago, it seemed quite normal, then started noticing the separation of thought and action just as you are describing, the chit chatting, the put downs, the commands, the soft comforting voices....
Then I asked....”is there anybody there”? Then Susie said “yes”. It was an oh crap moment. Then they fronted and took over and I just watched till they took over the mind. I met a few others and then already being a weird teen...we vowed to hide this even from ourselves out of fear of discovery and looking even weirder. Flash forward to 46 years old and we came out to ourselves again.
Sometimes I feel like I’m along for the ride, being squashed to the back as they forward and their thoughts override my thoughts becoming my thoughts....or under instruction on how to do things, told to pick that up, grab this, screw that,....
We co-conscious and co-host...more then one part is present, active and aware...this gives us the ability to share memories...but this also makes it feel imaginary and fake....surreal at best. Sometimes the memories stick...but mostly fades off with the part that experiences them.
Have you ever tried talking to these other voices? Is their any history of childhood trauma or abuse? It just takes one traumatizing event to instill dissociation for some people are more prone to disassociation more then others.
We studied this diagnosis for awhile trying to disprove it, read blogs, journals, DSM-5, studies until we got a grasp of these things as a group as real...even some still live in denial.
It’s not as bad as society and movies portray which are mostly false. They are all parts of me and I them. We survived our torturous early years. This is a survival mechanism for those that had a traumatizing beginning. This is how a baby learns to survive by putting bad memories aside and live on. These memory parts then take on a life of their own because the mind isn’t yet integrated in a child till well in it’s toddler years. We live mostly in co-operation...together as a family would.
Sorry so long....drank a small pot of coffee, lol.