Tish I haven't read all this thread, from your last couple of posts I am reading your husband withheld intimacy from you when he was angry. There may be more, has he abused you in other ways too?

I'm not sure I personally regard withholding intimacy as abuse, I may be wrong there, my husband does this to me too, but he does it when he is really angry and cannot express his anger (not for something petty like silverware). It's not healthy for sure, and definitely something to be worked on, but not sure if abuse in my case (it may be in yours, I am not judging)

I think when we love someone we often weather out some really rough patches, sometimes that means living with behaviour that is less than perfect, but no not putting up with abuse. If someone verbally or physically attacks you then that is absolutely not something to stick around for.

It all depends on whether a spouse is willing to change behaviour or not too. That goes for ourselves too.