freewill,

i am struggling with all of the same. I can't say if I knew then what i knew now, I would choose life. I know that is depression, and hurt, anger, despair, hopelessness, and feeling lost......
I don't know what to say except you are loveable just because you ARE. There is no way around it. You did not deserve the bad or the trauma.

No matter what they taught you, what you learned, whatever negative you feel.....it was not your fault.

my head is like a rubix cube. i know your pain and i'm so sorry you are feeling this way right now. Remember, as I often forget, these are just feelings.
I wish you some peace and comfort.
TC, Shellbe