No we are not talking about these issues very well. I've been trying to communicate more. In this way therapy is helping me. This is where I need to step up and protect myself. It is just hard because there seems to be no time when he is not feeling ill or upset to raise the issues. For example he has had a low grade fever for the past few days. Today the only conversation we've had has been him calling me at works saying that he thinks he's got pneumonia has made an appointment with his doctor. Unfortunately, I will be at work when he goes. I also thought about calling his doctor and requesting that he discuss the need for antidepressants or therapy. However it is a busy center an the doctor will not likely get the message to call me before my husbands appointment.

Tonight was a typical exchange.

I stopped to pick him up some OTC's before coming home. I tried Sunrise's suggestion while on the phone and when I got home and heard his complaints it all again. (BTW he never once asked me how I was doing or feeling.) At one point he asked why I left the bedroom last night to sleep on the couch. I said, it was no big deal, I was having trouble sleeping because of his breathing and position changes. I haven't sleep well in a couple of days and just needed some sleep. At this he got angry and said he was sick of it. That I was avoiding him.. bah...bah.. bah.. Honestly most of which was true--last night I was triggered so bad that I wanted to puncture my eardrums and just curl up and cry. I did not say this to him. I did say, I was sorry I just needed some sleep. I let him vent and he left the room to watch TV in the bedroom. I eventually went back to the bedroom and said calmly, "Is that it , you attack me and then retreat to the bedroom?" He said no, he was just tried and feeling like %#@&#!. So I simply said, "Look I understand that you are feeling bad and I'm sorry I can't give you what you need." "I just want you to know that it is very difficult for me to deal with things too." "Your pain and illness affects me too." "It is even affecting the kids." (our 10 yr old asked me last week if his dad was dying). I said I am just really having a hard time dealing with stuff that I can't fix. Then I left the room. He hasn't spoken to me since.

If you were asking if I've talked to him about the stuff that I'm feeling from the past. No, mainly because he doesn't ask me what's the matter and because I don't want him to feel like I hate him. Some of the stuff he can't help but he can at least consider that I may need something now and then.