Quote:
Originally Posted by Sepiida
Hello, fellow genderfluid FAAB! I have had orgasms with both genders, in spite of my medication, and in spite of my true sexual preference, but that's a topic for another thread.
You said you feel bad about the sex you were "forced to be." Do you wish you could be the gender of your choice at any given time, or is it more that having female genitals isn't always conducive to sexual pleasure? Do you want to have love and sex coexist, or do you feel pressured to make them fit together?
I couldn't agree with you more about the "she cums first" mindset. We can't cum at all if every couple of seconds he's whining: "Did you cum yet? Why didn't you cum yet?" To be fair, some of that may be a poorly executed attempt at being generous in bed, but it can easily cross over into "my ego is hurt if you don't" territory. Takes all the fun out of things.
And receiving oral sex. It does nothing for me, especially when performed by a man.
I felt chronically sexually unsatisfied until this past year when I stopped worrying (at least within myself) about how I was "supposed" to engage in relationships and sex. Like most things in my life, to feel normal, I don't always act normal.
|
I feel worse about my sexuality because I haven't had sex with both sexes. And there's not really any way to now unless I want to give up and cheat on him. A three way or something hasn't been completely ruled out but it wouldn't happen any time soon.
He doesn't ask if I've cum yet or not nor is it about his ego. He doesn't have an ego or any sexual confidence to speak of due to previous women who left him because of his sexual (in)ability. I just feel bad that he has to wait and just not orgasm like he's being punished. I mean, he's been punished and shamed enough sexually by previous partners (and not in a BDSM sort of way).
By saying that I feel bad about being the sex that I was forced to be, I was saying it's not conducive to sexual pleasure. And I've been treated like a non-person when I was a kid and as an adult for being female. Men treat me like my partner's accessory. I'm not spoken to when they have a conversation. They even turn away from me. They don't let me participate in groups like they do my partner. My father liked to call my mother and I animal names. He believed in the 1950s family and the gender roles that went with it. They wanted a son, but he didn't survive past birth and I was the only child to make it full term and survive. I tried to be his son...but my lack of a penis is unforgivable.
Female genitals aren't conducive to sexual pleasure. I'm not sure female genitals are conducive with being considered a human. That's not been my life's experience.
But how do you have an orgasm from someone else? I spent a couple decades just masturbating and that feeling can't be replicated or explained to another person so they just have to guess until they find something else that will work. Or it continues to be like it's been...a hand job until one of us gives up and I just finish myself off with no intercourse because penetration can't happen without him getting off if it can even happen at all anymore. Maybe instead of just hoping for 3-5 minutes someday, I should just hope for full penetration even if it's just one thrust. It's better than nothing.
Do I want sex and love to coexist? Yes, I do. I would love to be satisfied enough that I don't have to resist the urge to cheat on him. Not like there would be any men interested (he's the only one that really is attracted to me like that). I'd have to go beg them like I did with my first sexual experience...the problem with being THAT ugly to men. There could be women interested (as they actually find me attractive for some reason), but again, I can't hurt him in that way. I also promised him that I wouldn't leave him SOLELY based on sex in order to instill a little confidence in him. I'm not sure how much it worked.