Thanks for the replies everyone. I feel I have completely given up hope and stopped trying, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get better, I just can’t see it happening. I am living the rest of my days waiting to die. I haven’t attempted suicide in years, and the only thing that stops me is my mom, I can’t hurt her, so I just live for her not to be in pain or miss me if I were gone. But everyday is misery, torture, loneliness, and madness that I can’t even keep up with my symptoms. I want nothing more than to die than keep on living like this, there is no end in sight and no relief ever.