Yes! And I hate it...

I’ve been working with my T for a few years with some measurable improvements in my overall quality of life. During none of these past years, have I felt any indication of transference or really anything deeper than the appreciation of benefiting from a competent professional.

I have had sessions biweekly or monthly, when well and weekly when not. Which I add only because I don’t see how that frequency could be the source of the problem.

More to the point, I’m finding it maddening to think about a T this much. I’m okay with appreciating her perspective or even hearing her voice in certain (but infrequent!) situations. I cannot abide caring what she might think more than I care what I think!!! Why am I actually planning my life with such a serious consideration of our next session?! The only thing I can think of is that it’s a reflection of my real life and currently limited social interactions in which deeper discussions just aren’t a feature. I’m which case I think I’d prefer to face my loneliness and do something about it irl instead of masking things with this strictly professional relationship. No?

Let me know if you have any major relevalations! I don’t think I’m ready to bring this up in therapy until I’ve sat with it a bit.

PS I actually had to check a couple times to make sure I wasn’t responding to a post I wrote myself in the middle of some sleepless night because I get it.