It's sort of difficult to explain, so you might have to be patient with me.

I have some past trauma, stuff that I'd rather stay pushed down and forgotten. And I was hurt by someone close, someone I really trusted. I'd pushed it down really far and one day it just came up. Before it came up, however, I always had this weird feeling when I was with them or thought about them. Turns out that this gut feeling wasn't anxiety or paranoia like people had been telling me.

In reality, I do suffer from paranoid delusions, hypervigilance and will even hallucinate when it all gets to be too much. Mix that all in with the PTSD and it becomes a nightmare that words fall short to explain. When I get like this, my depression and suicidal thoughts/impulses become exponentially worse.

I could be entirely off in my interpretation of what you said. If I am and you want to explain it to me, then please do.