T1
I both do and don't want to tell you that I was out of it Friday because I took a handful of pills. I'm scared of your reaction. It's ok if you do the dad thing, but not if you do the stern "I have to do this" thing. I guess I am trying to decide if I tell you when I see you in a few hours or if I let more time pass. I am sure that you would be less upset if I wait. But I was unable to sleep last night. And I know that not sleeping does not help my mental health.

It's kind of like I am punishing myself by not taking something so that I can sleep. Which doesn't make any kind of sense.

If I don't tell you today, my anxiety will probably still be high enough that I will stay awake at the hospital today for my infusion. I think I would feel weird if I slept there, although that doesn't really make sense. Why would the nurse care if I sleep while sitting there? I guess I think that it shows that I am messed up. On the other hand, a nap sounds good.

Oy. I am a mess. I hope that you will just say that I should tell T3 and then move on. Maybe I should just tell you that is my plan.