I have attached a description on Sensate Focus. It requires participation by both partners. It is supposed to build desire, partly through denial. For me it helped overcome much of my timidity regarding being with a woman. It wasn't a quick fix, though. After a series of SF sessions, brief intercourse was attempted. But my mini-me wasn't ready, even after the introduction of Cialis. If took more SF sessions to overcome this.

The phrase "she cums first" is directed at men. Men need to think of their partners pleasure. So many men probably get right into sex and when they orgasm they are done. Hence the phrase, "wham, bam, thank you ma'am." I have learned to try to get a woman fully aroused first. Hopefully she orgasms then I can think about myself.

Another thing I have learned is communicating during sex. My partner gives suggestions or asks for something, or I can read what is working and what is not.

And when I remark about giving orgasms I do not mean through intercourse. Nearly all have been a result of oral sex. When I started this therapy one of my main goals was to give my partner pleasure so I could feel I was successful and I focused intently on oral sex. And it is possible the surrogate has orgasms easier than other women (although at times my tongue would complain by going numb or cramping ). I haven't had much success with my girlfriend, but she doesn't like oral sex.

All isn't perfect...I myself still haven't orgasmed through intercourse. There is still something mental preventing that.