I'm sorry you are experiencing this difficulty. I have to say I've pretty-much stopped suggesting people call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline because I just read too many accounts such as yours. Personally I think it's just like everything else. It sounds good. But the reality is a whole different story. I'm not familiar with NAMI's forums. I'm pretty-much totally committed here on PC. I have signed in to a couple of other forums in the past. But for one reason or another, I just found they were not for me.

I noticed your Signature quote from the Buddha. Are you familiar with the Ancient Tibetan Buddhist Lojong (mind training) teachings? I'm a long-time student of the writings of the Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön. The Lojong teachings are what form the basis of Ani Pema's teachings. (There are also videos on YouTube of talks Pema has given over the years.) There are other writers writing in the same vein as Pema. However no one I have ever found offers the comprehensive instruction Pema offers. I doubt it is going too far to suggest that, without the Lojong teachings, I might well not be here today. (I've made a couple of serious attempts in that direction in the past.)

So, since you apparently have some interest in Buddhism, so to speak, you might want to dig into Ani Pema's work. (By the way, one doesn't have to be a real Buddhist in order to follow the Lojong teachings. I'm not.) I will say, though, that her books are not something you can just read & put away. If you do that, they will just be more books you happen to have read. You have to read them over-&-over. Underline important passages. Dog-ear important pages. Put the Lojong teachings into practice in your day-to-day life. As many times as I've read Pema's books, I still feel as though I'm just scratching the surface, so to speak. Anyway... it's just a thought. I wish you well...