I didn't mention it in my original reply, but I do have another way of keeping myself alive on an hour by hour basis. As I said before, I've been sick both physically and mentally. Getting sick physically and going through all of the emotions that went with it, I learned that I will always have the option to die and it's in fact inevitable but I won't always have the option to live. The reason that this has kept me alive is because I'm stubborn and dead set on finding peace. I have to explore all of the ways to accomplish this while the option of living still exists because that's just how my mind works. To be honest, I feel I've tried near everything I can to get some form of peace, so this way of thinking might end up killing me after all.