So it has been such a long week, I left and visited my sister for a few days to get my head on straight. Going to the hospital I thought about it, and wanted to go, but knew my husband would use it against me in the long run, and even though my T explained that he could try, but it was a positive move and no judge would hold that against me, I panicked and couldn't do it!!

So today I told my husband that he should maybe go to his brothers for abit, to think things out, maybe apart would help us work on our marriage. I know deep down I lied to him saying that, but I am at my end, being near him makes me worse, being away from him isn't so good either, I am so afraid of being alone and messing up!! But he did leave today, and I feel guilty, I know I shouldn't.......I don't know what is wrong with me!!! I haven't talked to my T in a few days, or seen him, he called me on Friday to see him, but I said no.......I figured there isn't any point, I knew I had to make a call.........make a move until then.......why bother!!

So now I sit here, sick to my stomach, and feeling like I hurt him......I hate feeling abandoned, and feeling like I let someone in, and all that happened was I got hurt again!! I feel like I screwed up, I don't even know what I feel, there are so many feelings and thoughts crowding me out right now........