I found a little relief but it's controversial (what isn't anymore).

I've been smoking weed nearly everyday at least once a day for the past month. Here's the pros I've felt:

1. It's a bit easier to get up and get things done.
2. I don't feel so worn down after I'm done with my objectives.
3. I actually have a sex drive (thank god for both me and my fiance since it had been 8 months).
4. I'm able to focus on reading again (still having a hard time writing, though).
5. It's easier for me to be around people.
6. It gets me out of my head for a little while.

Here are the cons:

1. My paranoia is worse.
2. Hallucinations are more vivid and it's a little harder for me to tell if they're real or not.
3. When I don't have it, I go right back to misery.
4. I'm more likely to have flashbacks.

Things that haven't changed:

1. Still suicidal (I don't think that will ever change).
2. I still feel hopeless.
3. I still can't tell anyone how bad it all is.
4. I'm still going in and out of irritability.
5. I still feel the need to escape.

Back when I was smoking a few years ago, it helped a lot. Then, I quit because my doctor told me to and then I began my ever annoying task of trying new meds. Antidepressants have never helped me and have all had bad side effects including sending me into a psychotic spiral. I can't afford ECT and my insurance won't cover it. What do you guys think? Should I keep experimenting with weed and give up my search for a med combo, or should I do both, or should I quit smoking and find the "right" meds?