Justafriend306, all that sounds exhausting…sorry you are going through it.

If planning and rehearsing difficult conversations is not working—stop.

I know in my life, what I project I draw towards me. When I’m angry, I’ll attract angry folks, etc. By feeling unworthy, afraid, and sure folks are going to screw you over—you are drawing that very same energy (okay, yes, I’m a woowoo person😉).

But I do believe that what we think, and feel, is like a radio signal pulsing out—is what returned to you.

Control is a façade; there is no control—except of ourselves (and our genetics have a lot of input here also). Worrying is a way of trying to control, but it doesn’t work. Want to try a test?

Pick up a book in your hands and stand up. Put the book perpendicular to the floor. Now worry about the book not hitting the floor when you let go. Worry hard, wrinkle your brow, and strain. Worry, worry, worry. Now let go—did all your worrying work? No, worry is like a rocking horse; it keeps you busy, but gets you nowhere….

Blessings!