Here I was all set to share the explosive feelings triggered by my lawyer's email in therapy, but it didn't happen.

What was cool about the session was that immediately when we started, T came over and sat with me and gave me his full attention. No sitting over at his desk doing emails. I had obliquely reprimanded him for that last session and also had made another comment when we had been talking about how that session's close attunement came about: "once you put your laptop down and your notebook and really paid attention to me, then it happened." Well, he was right there across from me yesterday, ready and waiting to do therapy, so I think I got my point across.

Anyway, when he looked at me expectantly, I said, well we usually start off with S (we always seem to touch base on what is happening with S, the child specialist working on my case to represent my kids' needs in the divorce, and T is always the one to bring this up). He waited but I hesitated to ask more, as I knew they had just all had a big pow-wow with the lawyers and I wasn't sure I should be prying. I didn't want to put him in an ethical bind. He said, "whatcha needing?" (which made me kinda googly inside ) I asked if there was anything he could share with me.

We ended up talking about that situation the whole hour (he said it was ethically OK), its possible legal and parenting implications, some ideas for possible approaches and next steps. All that was really, really helpful and reassuring to me. Not what I had hoped we'd talk about, but very valuable. Divorce coach stuff, but great nonetheless!

I told him at the end that things were not going that great on the financial piece (what I'd hope to discuss) and he immediately wanted to know what. But we'd already gone over time, and the next client was waiting. "What did you want to tell me?" he asked. By this time I was at the door and I just looked down at him (he was sitting at his desk) and said "everything." Maybe I looked really needy or something because he said, "I really want to hear this." He got an almost forlorn look--maybe that's not the right word--like he so wanted to help me with this, but was a bit frustrated because he couldn't. It was weird! "I know, I wanted to tell you, but we're out of time. And what we talked about was really good. I'm glad we talked about that." And he agreed, yes, it was a good session, a really good talk. I felt like I was trying to reassure him. I told him I'd be OK, and he said we'll talk about this first thing next time. This is probably projection, but I really felt I was seeing some sort of "need" in him to help me (perhaps combined with curiousity). I felt a certain sense of "investment" from him in me and my troubles. (Is this just my convoluted way of saying that I witnessed that he cares for me?)

I was feeling more at peace this session with the coach/therapist dual role situation. These "people" are there for me to use and I can benefit from them both.

Even though we did not talk about the triggering situation that had upset me, I felt better about it when I left. I see people here post about how their T can "soothe" them, but I have never felt that myself. But today I felt soothed simply by T's presence and our interaction, and felt much less triggered. I went home and slept really well.