Wow, this is hard. I share your pain. I'm slowly in the process of heading out to Denver. Because if I don't, I will soon be homeless through once again, no fault of my own.

When I was 16 or 17, I don't remember exactly when, my father threw me out of the house I grew up in. I've never been back, except to drive by it.

Then, so many years later, my late husband left me, and while he emptied our accounts, and violated the straining order regularly stalking me, hurting me, keeping me on the run. I was, once again, homeless and I hated it.

I've been living with my Brother's widow for the last several years, and she, because of mental health issues, keeps waiting till the last second to do anything about her life. I've been living in the last two years under the constant threat of being homeless for a third time in my life and I hate it.

Nightmares, oh, yeah. You're not alone. Rents are impossible for someone on disability in Jersey. Worse, there is for all practical purposes NO HELP whatsoever here. SO, before I'm once again forced to move in a panic, I'm going to move in with my sister long enough to get a place of my own, and pray.

I lived under a tree behind a funeral home through winter the year my father threw me out, and then finally got some help. Now, there is none to speak of, dealing with illness only makes it worse. The little bit of "housing" that might be available is so riddled with stupid rules and conditions that would only make me worse. So, I must flee the east coast, or become a causualty of... I don't know what.

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it I do! So you're not alone in this being an issue. I have so little stuff here, it'll fit in my car, but I've been having trouble bringing myself to throw it all in and get the hell out of here, because it means the one very tiny space I have to myself will be gone. I hate it...

(((((((((((((((((freewill))))))))))))))))))))

I wish I could say something postive... Come to think of it, I can. I'm moving inland, because there are places I'll be able to afford, just. For the first time in over twenty years I'll have a place of my own, that I alone am responsible for, I alone control, and will protect. In turn it will protect me. Maybe, just maybe, I'll have some time to heal some, grow some, and blossom into someone stronger and less terrified of everything and everyone...

A girl can dream can't she?

Sam