Was he throwing this in your face before this very real divorce was put into motion? From what you have told me, he has been assuming that you wouldn't go through with it. Even if it has to be done, it still may hurt him so much. Things get ugly and scary during divorce. If you are still certain that the best thing for you is to divorce him, I would limit conversations with him until the process is over. It is a highly emotional time for both of you but might settle down once it has finalized. My husband has told me if I ever divorce him, he will never speak to or see me ever again. I think he would really do this--I do not know what your husband would do. For some people, it is hard for them to remain friends. I hope you and your H do remain friends but you have no control over his reaction to the divorce. Look inside your heart to figure out what is best for you. We can only control our own actions and reactions--if his actions (the pattern he consistently displays--not mistakes or irritability) are untenable then your divorce is the right thing. Try not to let people's emotions sway you--use the experiences you have had with your H when there has been no outside influences. When I attempted, many people in my family (especially my brother and sister) wanted me to leave my husband because they blamed what I did on him but I played a large role in that bad decision and the dynamics were complex because of the family drama (our kids) that was occurring. It was all very confusing. Again, your situation is different but I worry that your mother and others might be making the dynamics of your marriage more complex.