so wait you don't disagree with this guy who thinks I have a personality disorder?!? (yeah yeah, I get that you and he have "different frameworks of understanding," and you call it disrupted attachment and he calls it BPD but still in essence we're talking about the same diathesis.) why has no one *ever* said this to me before? why didn't YOU say this to me before?

also I hate this guy--he's self-important and over-compensating and annoying. i don't want him to be right.

why is it wrong that I kind of want one of you to sit down with the diagnostic criteria and tell me how I meet them? why does that prove that I'm prone to power struggles or whatever? (no one before you has ever expressed that they think I have a propensity for power struggles--is that a real thing about me?)

I don't want to have a diagnosis of BPD because the only people I've met with that dx are ****ING CRAZY. They swallow pens or make dramatic suicidal gestures or have to be admitted to the hospital because they didn't lose 10 lbs by their birthday. (I have personally seen people with this dx do all of these things.) I suppose all things come in greater vs lesser intensities--maybe I've only met people with really bad BPD. (Or maybe you only get the dx of BPD if your behaviour is off the wall???)

You say it has to do with this terrible longing I have and the inability to accept comfort.

I suppose that if accepting this diagnosis will make that go away, I will do it. (Though I know that isn't how this is supposed to work.)

I hate this.