I am 46 years old. I too have been massively depressed since 12 years old. I have tried almost everything. ECT- 55 times. TMS. Almost every anti-depressant out there. I feel terrible despair everyday and the psychache is beyond description. Have you checked out the remote possibility that marijuana- of course medical that is might help? In Las Vegas here they have dispensaries,so I do not know other states laws. I have been trying to find a way to get this ketamine infusuions too.Clinical depression that doesn't let up is very close to madness or insanity and I applaud you for hanging in there. Cheap words I know. You know yourself how words can't begin to describe the despair that unrelenting melancholy is.