I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. I struggle with a lot of... uh-h-h... desolation I guess I'll call it for lack of a better term... life among the ruins... My go-to practice for dealing with it comes out of the ancient Tibetan Buddhist teachings called Lojong or "mind training" primarily as taught by the Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön. The practice is referred to as compassionate abiding. Perhaps you're familiar with it? Here's a link to a mental-health-oriented description of the practice, in case you're not:

https://mindsetdoc.wordpress.com/201...e-abiding-101/

May it be of benefit...