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When my own mother passed away, I went to the store and bought a tall pillar candle. I set it up in a quiet corner of my household, lit it, and let it burn for the next three days until it too, was gone. It was my own way of honoring my mother's spirit.

It's good to have family and friends around at this moment, just as it's good to have the formality of ceremony -- both public and private -- to help keep us moving, even in our numbed state. I recall that period in my own life as feeling surreal. Somehow, we got the things done that needed to be done although there were numerous moments where one of us would have to sit down and share that feeling of "unreality". Somehow, we managed to find the space to laugh a little bit too and that was fitting because our mother would have laughed in those moments too.

My deepest condolences to you and your loved ones. I hope the world brings many small kindnesses your way over these next few days and weeks.