Ohmigoodness—as a teen and into my early 20s—I felt just like you did. Coming from a very abusive background, I had learned to ‘not feel.’ So, learning to feel again—and recognize what those feelings were was quite an effort. My name for myself back then was ‘defective.” At first, feelings scared me—I’d been so contained for so long. For me therapy helped—and so did writing. I would scribble down how I was feeling and usually somewhere in there I told myself why I was upset and what I was feeling. It took a while, but it was so worth it.

It was only after I reconnected to myself—that I could really connect with others. To do this, I had to observe me—monitor my feelings and be real with myself. I tracked my emotions and watched the thoughts it created…back then they were usually negative self-comments. Once I saw that, I started stopping the self-abuse. Why should I repeat to myself all the mean things said to me over the years. I had to stick up for me.

I think your awareness is top-notch—and I so wish you well on your journey (within and out).