Thanks everyone,
Today for some reason I am in a really good mood.

Mouse your statement about me being no longer happy to remain a victim is correct. Yesterday I too read what I wrote and think I see a pattern. I'm not sure it is deliberate on my T's part but this is what I see happening during some therapy sessions.
1. She asks me to describe something my husband is doing, I tell her some things.

2. Then I start saying something like... I'm a freak...over reacting... insensitive...should be able to handle it better... need to suck it up.

3. She say she doesn't think what I am having issues with is abnormal, she validates that his actions seem unreasonable.

4. I of course don't accept that she is telling me that I'm normal and should be upset and that I if I just provide what he needs then everything would be fine.

5. So she simply tells, fine, force yourself to give him exactly what I think he wants and needs and see if that fixes the problem for both of you. I get pissed at her for suggesting this approach but try to do it anyway (this is the self torture part I like best).

6. I carry out the actions, realize how infuriated I makes me feel. He doesn't respond in a satisfied way either.

7. I finally OPEN my freak'n mouth and tell him straight out that I'm trying to help him and be compassionate but that his actions are intolerable.

8. He doesn't talk to me for a while. But I feel SO MUCH better because, I at least tried to communicate with him and fix the problem.

9. I'm presently in the refractory period where he is both hurt because I told him something he didn't want to hear but also on some level realize he is a needy &^%# that needs to get off his *** and help himself.

Now if I could only go to step 10 where I demand significant reparations on his part I think I could learn to live with a few intermittent times when he needed some coddling. I just can't seem to get to the point where I accept that I have needs and that this might be OK. This sounds stupid to write but obviously I'm find this difficult to truly accept and be comfortable with. Also since I never operated from a perspective I need anything from others, I have really no idea what I actually want--which makes it hard too. Can't be assertive and go after something if you don't know what that "something" is!