sweet crusader, thank you SOOOOO much for your response. almost everything you said here was so dead on. I feel like i want to just give your response to my T. our next "usual" apt would be on monday, and i was telling myself that unless she called me before that, then i would not go to that either. this time without saying anything to her. i still want to do that, because i feel like if she doesn't care enough to at least encourage, not force, but encourage me to come then whats the point? you putting my thoughts into words though makes me want to send her an email saying most of what you said. maybe after session number 2 is missed and she still doesnt say anything. just the thought of that hurts so much though. anyway, thank you sweet for at least putting some of my thoughts into words, now i just have to decide what to do with that...