Anxiety, for me, used to be a lot worse. I used to not only have severe social anxiety, but also hypochondria. Luckily, hypochondria has kind of worn away as I have gotten older. What has not worn away though, is my social anxiety.
I’ll always watch people be happy, and act normally, and it just upsets me. Why is it so hard for me to just live a normal life? I’ll try something new every now and then, and I always end up just wanting to go home. When I do anything, it’s like I’m seeing everything from a distance, and then I focus so much on that that I can’t walk straight without focusing on walking. When I walk, I focus on how I walk, I always try to walk normally, my posture straight up, and one foot infront of the other, but I always end up tripping over myself.
On top of all of this, I have a friend, my best friend, who always laughs at me. She makes me so insecure about myself, and whenever I try and get her to stop, she doesn’t listen and just laughs even more. I try to be assertive, but I’m just passive. I don’t usually stand up for myself, but when I do, I’m not taken seriously.
Sometimes, I just want to run away. I want to be me, I want to meet new people, and i want to live freely. Going to the same school everyday, waiting for the same people to walk together to class in silence, being humiliated for the same things. Though, sometimes there’s a little spice, and something I’ve long forgotten about is dug up, and I get in trouble for it.
It’s funny how one day, we will all die. None of this even matters, yet all I can think about is “putting one foot infront of the other.”