I'm recovering from a depressive episode and lately I have been doing a lot of things. I should rest and not be too active, but instead of that I have been planning things, cleaning every day and generally very very active. If I wasn't on meds and sleeping 10h every night I would think I'm hypomanic. Well I guess that's not possible because I'm not feeling euphoric like usually when I'm high. Also I don't have any other symptoms. I feel anxious and it's impossible to take it easy and rest because I'm scared that I'll end up depressed again. This is ridiculous, I know.

I don't know why this is happening and I definitely don't wanna exhaust myself and end up like a few months ago. I hate sleeping because I don't wanna wake up in the morning lonely and tired and feeling useless. Almost every night when I'm supposed to go to sleep I feel extremely anxious and "scared of sleeping". I can't explain this. I'm trying to enjoy that I'm able to be this active and do things after months of depression, but it's hard to enjoy it when I'm scared all the time that I'll burn myself out.

I wish I could live in the moment and take the rest I need. I hate the restlessness.