I can relate to the feelings you describe. It would feel confusing for me if I were in that situation.

I wonder if it's not time to find a new therapist. Even if you only see them occasionally it's a really good idea to have a therapist established so you can turn to them when the stuff hits the fan. You already have a support system in place when you need it.

Seeing you after retirement is risky for your T because she would most likely be doing so without malpractice insurance (because it's so expensive). If anything went wrong they would be personally liable and that would make me nervous on my T's behalf.