Me and my Husband have been having some communication problems since we met, he is always defensive so no matter what I say he assumes I'm 'attacking' him, even if I ask him if he's going to bed. I know a lot has to do with 'tone' and body language but I don't believe I'm acting 'offensive.' I have walked around eggshells with this man for years. In the early days of our relationship there was a lot of abuse. Once I got pregnant that all stopped. He likes to say he was 'experimenting' with the abuse.
But now instead of physically abusing me, he drinks himself in a stupor and tells me I'm trash, I'm fat, I'm ugly, stupid, I should kill myself etc. And this is literally every other day. I'm assuming this will happen again tonight seeing as he's wanted liquor since yesterday and he never goes more then one day without freaking out on me.
Now I used to work full time and he would be drunk by 2pm and telling me he thinks I'm cheating, he hates me, blah blah. So I quit and he got a job and now he's angry with me for 'making him get a job' because he hates people so much.
I've asked him for a divorce, but he won't.
I feel like I'm going to loose whatever is left of my sanity if I don't have one day of him being happy. Theres so many other things I can't even bring myself to say because it hurts so badly. I'm loosing my grip and I want to run away.
I love him very much but I don't know what I love about him anymore. He doesn't love me, even sex is a chore.
He refuses to talk to me, even through text or phone, and he will freak out if I try to talk to him in person. I'm lost and so tired.
Is this just a phase? Is it normal in a marriage?
I'm so lost and no one to ask or to talk to about this.