I empathize tremendously with you, Nemii and wish for you and your children to be safe. I also wish for your relationship with your husband to change and improve.

The following is just my humble attempts to reinterpret information that I've spent countless hours reading and examining. In the writing, there are both opinions that are mine, others', and even what is generally agreed upon for claims on abuse, if change is possible for abusive behavior and so on.

Abuse in any form is not healthy interaction. Moreover, it is defined as "abuse" because it can be physically, emotionally, psychologically, financially and spiritually damaging (to many degrees, in many areas and in general,) crippling (to many degrees, in many areas and in general,) and fatal (literally death, whether suicide, murder and/or brokenhearted.)

You ask if "it is just a phase" and mention that the two of you have been married for five years. Has he been abusive with how ever much consistency throughout the five years? From what you've divulged thus far, his abuse does not seem like it is behavior from which he will change and that your relationship will no longer consist of abuse at a later point in history if the circumstances (which they are many) remain the same.

Unfortunately, and I mean extremely unfortunately, he will most likely not change his abusive behavior if the current circumstances continue. Whether he is of a personality disorder or not, his behavior is abusive. Unless he lacks components of the brain that allow him to change, curtail his abusive behavior and increase his lack of empathy, change is possible. In the context of change, the problem is how that change will be initiated and executed. Whether it is through therapy, self-realization, life changing event or another possibility, he might change; however, you, your children, (all of) your well beings are most important. Moreover, please, consider asking yourself if you and/or your children should stay as you are with him (in a relationship and so forth) as he may or may not change.

You have options right now to try to change your situation, whether it is contacting friends, family, the domestic abuse hotline, a doctor and others. Please, if you find yourself and/or your children to be physically in danger, do not ignore, underestimate or anything similarly this danger.