What I worried about last night (work), wasn't an accurate take on the situation, so I felt better. THEN, I DID IT AGAIN. I felt like things were fine so I behaved in a fashion that everything was okay, and then I felt unwelcome. WTF? WHY can I not stop myself? You would think that the massive wave of shame I am subjected to when I think I'm nothing but an imposition would shape my behavior. One would think that my warnings to myself to NOT do this, to isolate, would actually help me or remind me not to do what I keep doing. WTF is this? I feel SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo much shame. Embarrassment. I feel like everyone knows who I really am. Why am I being hijacked by that child part of me? HOW can this be me? Is this really going on?