I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I think you are entitled to feel angry at her. You feel disappointed, too--you needed her to be "strong" and she wasn't. It's natural to feel let down. But, at the same time, she is human. People we love let us down sometimes--they make mistakes and fail, even when they have good intentions. I think we can be mad at the people we love, even as we understand their limitations and still love them. It sounds like your therapist is trying to be honest. I imagine she must really care about you. You guys have been together a long time--how could she not?

Maybe it would help to decide what you want?

It may be that you want things she cannot give you, things that you did not receive at some point in your life from caregivers whose love and understanding and attention you sought (since they did not fill the need, this made you feel that having the need must be shameful, even though it was natural and normal). Many people have that kind of longing. It's the loss of something that has to be mourned. It may be that this is what you are grieving now, and I am sorry.

But even if achieving that lost thing is unattainable, there is still a real relationship to be had, if she will agree....could you decide on what kind of relationship would actually help you while taking her concerns into account?

I think that maybe she is worried that you may need more than she can provide, but if you said you were going to see another therapist for therapy and immediate needs, and only contacted her occasionally to "keep in touch," she might go along with it. The ambiguity seems to be bad for both of you. Could you agree to something like: we won't meet for "sessions" anymore, but we can exchange occasional emails to keep in touch? Or some limited number of sessions per year, planned in advance. Or whatever.

It seems like you are leaving it all up to her to decide what your relationship will be, but maybe it would help if you put some limited proposal out there.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Even handled perfectly, which I am not sure they ever are, leaving a therapist you've been with a long time can be so heart-wrenching. Talking to another therapist just about the end of your therapy relationship might be helpful. And it might be good to know a non-retired person who can be there, going forward.