Quote:
Originally Posted by Lrad123
I have a hard time opening up and being vulnerable in general and it’s easier to do by myself rather than in front of someone else. I know that’s not ideal, but I’m not sure what to do about that. Expressing myself through email is just easier. And yes, safer. Also, sometimes I can think about something more deeply when I’m by myself and there’s no guarantee I’ll be able to do that or feel that during my once/week 50 minute appointment. Generally, that’s when the walls go up and it’s just harder to think straight.
I’m not sure whether this whole email topic is petty and therefore not sure if I should bring it up with him. This is something I would definitely let go of in real life, but since it’s therapy, should I say something? If so, should I do it now (via emai) when I’m really feeling something or should I hold off until I see him next week at which time I might not really care? If I email now, saying I feel dismissed he will possibly email back with a sentence or two apologizing genuinely for hurting my feelings. I’m not sure I want to put him in a position where he feels like he needs to apologize. Then I just feel like I’m making a big deal out of nothing. So I’m stuck.
I do like your idea of asking why he sometimes has curt responses and other times not. I may do just that. I know he’s not a huge fan of email but is aware that I process things better via email so I think that’s why he tolerates it, although I know he’d rather discuss things together in person.
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For certain things, I can think a lot more deeply and clearly outside of session than when I'm sitting in front of my T. I know exactly what you mean about the walls coming up and not being able to think. It can be a lot of pressure.
I know it's a cliché, but I have had a lot of success with writing something out when I'm feeling it intensely and bringing it to session for my T to read, sometimes with the caveat that I felt one way when I wrote it and I feel a different way now. You could also write the email now, save it as a draft, and send it right before session with a note that you want to dive into it deeply when you get there.
I think most things that really bother you are worth talking about in therapy, even if you would let them go in real life. Sometimes talking about those things makes me realize something new about my perspective or habits.