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Originally Posted by granite1
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she started talking about how she had not seen how bad things had got .she thought that we were moving forward and doing ok . she said that it was probably what she wanted to see . but that i am literally killing myself and she missed it .she started to cry at this point .that completely freaked me out even more. i felt so bad for her . i had not lied to her but she would not believe me .she just didnt seem to remember me talking to her about conversations i had with the mother . she wanted me to talk,to look at her .she kept raising her voice to get me to look at her . but i couldnt move . she said that she thinks she was going to need to do something drastic .she wanted to call my husband and have me put in the hospital because i was not thinking straight .
again she started to cry saying again that she sees me killing myself right in front of her and she doesnt know what to do .she doesnt know how to save me .she said she cares about me and it is breaking her heart to see what i have been doing to myself and she had no idea . it was like i had all this stuff going on and she just let me sit there talking about crafting . she accused me of spending all this time pretending .and all this time i was being so self destructive. she said it isnt about my bad diet and having my diabetes be so out of control,or the exercising and following up on my heart condition. sh said it is getting to the root of why i dont care and feel that i dont deserve to live . why im listening to the mothers voice in my head telling me she wishes i was dead . she said that it is time i started to deal with this stuff. she said she knows it is hard and so painful but now that she is aware of how bad things have gotten that she cant let me pretend any more. she kept saying things like now that she knows the truth etc...
i told her she needed to get over being so upset at me . this only made her more upset .she raised her voice again saying that she did not and what did i expect.of coarse she is angry. all this time and i didnt expect that she would go ballistic . she said i needed to start talking or she would contact my husband and have me brought to the hospital . she said we need to start dealing with this stuff but i was so paralyzed. she was crying again saying that she had no idea how to get through to me at all . she was talking and talking and i couldnt respond i just wanted to calm down i knew eventually i was going to have to leave or she was going to put me in the hospital . . .
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I agree with Amjay. This does not sound like a healthy dynamic to me. She seems overtaken by her own feelings in response to your situation. Yes, she will have feelings, but when she is overwhelmed she can't really focus on you, it seems like. And with all this going on it seems to me you do need the help and support of someone who can focus on you.
For me, unfortunately, I've found support groups more helpful than individual therapists for this kind of dilemma. Have you looked into Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families? They started out just as Adult Children of Alcoholics but found many issues apply to people raised in just dysfunctional families, too.
It has helped me a lot to know I'm not alone in my caretaking, codependency, lack of sense of self and self-care, etc. They have online meetings, too, if there aren't any in your area. Just a thought. PM me if you'd like more info.
Best of luck to you!
