Una, you have been on this forum as long/longer than me...you know what granite has tried with this T. I do agree that it is her mother or her life, but no matter what, a T should not force the issue on her, ESPECIALLY when she is obviously very upset.

I think Granite has tried VERY hard for a VERY long time with this T. I understand in some respect, as I tried and tried to the best of my ability with my last T. In a 5.5 year relationship, I probably should have left less than a year in. Not because she was bad, or incompetent, or not caring--just because it wasn't working. Mine wasn't necessarily as trauma-oriented issues as Granite, but the bottom line is that this T is not helping Granite any longer.

Granite, could you possibly try and research a couple of trauma T's? I know you said your T is trained in trauma, but maybe she is stuck too much in her own ways. She hasn't really tried to branch out with you. My (current) T has, and I don't even have any major trauma. She has tried suggesting many other things than what she can offer, because she wants to help.

And all the crying? A little disconcernting. I believe she cares, and I never have thought otherwise. But if my T started crying at my lack of improvement, or my will to die, or my relationshiops to my family that she doesn't agree with? I would RUN the H out of there. I have talked to my T very candidly about my SUI feelings. She has never acted emotional about them at all. Even covertly, like not taking care of myself. She knows if she pushes me on any of those topics, I would run and lose trust.

Your T should really know these things. I really wanted her to work for you, but I don't think it has all been bad. You have come a LONG way since you began with her. You used to spend session after session, after session in silence. For months. Years?

NOW: you are able to tell her what is making you upset, even though you are triggered and everythign is overwhelming and scary. I hope you see what a huge deal that is. That is an amazing improvement.

Though, I really am worried about you, and your health. It only seems to have gone downward, and I understand the "I don't care what happens to me" feeling, believe me. But, you are a fighter. You don't see it, I know. Just know I can see it, and believe it.

Maybe just consult a few other Trauma T's? EMDR (PLEASSSEE), Somatic, or someone who seems a little more flexible with their approach. Go in and say what you are feeling about your relationshiop with your current T. Tell this person that you feel like she yells at you, that she seems over-emotional, that she threatened to commit you when you weren't explicitly suicidal (unless you were, and you haven't told us)...etc.

I care for you, greatly.