Today was nice. A somewhat lighter meeting than I expected, which maybe I needed after last week. There was also a bit of teasing and joking, which I enjoyed. I like it when he laughs.

I asked him if he'd ever been in therapy or supervision, and he said yes. I asked him whether he'd had to talk about something that caused him intense shame. He said yes, he knew what it was like, though that feelings were different for everyone so he can't say he felt exactly the same thing.
I asked him about whether I'd caught him off guard last week or whether it was something he'd kind of already suspected or figured out. He said it hadn't surprised him, but that he'd been impressed that I'd done research and brought in an article detailing the issue, and that he doesn't think he's ever had anyone do that before (said kind of teasingly) and I joked that he was lucky I hadn't written a full report complete with a works cited section.
Without me asking, he told me that he'd also experienced transference towards his therapist. I have mixed feelings about personal disclosures and I'm not sure I would want to know any more details than that, but I really appreciated that he shared that with me. It made me feel slightly less ashamed and abnormal, and I appreciated that he was willing to share that with me. I feel a bit closer to him because of it. It's hard to describe without making it sound weird or into a bigger deal than it was, but it kind of felt like we shared a moment when he told me that.
He also said he thinks transference is normal and common it just doesn't always come up in his work with everyone because it's not always relevant to whatever they're working on.

He wants me to focus on my underlying feelings and beliefs about myself that result in me self harming, and to be better about keeping a thought record.

He thinks that Bad Idea Guy is a bad idea and that I should believe that I deserve someone who's not still prioritizing their addiction over everything else. Though he thinks that spooning with Bad Idea Guy is preferable to cutting.

Right before I left I asked him what he did his PhD in and he told me. I was surprised. It was not at all what I would have expected, and I kind of respect him a little more because of it.

Time to start the countdown until the next session... 7 more days to go...