Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild Coyote
You ask a very good question. [emoji3]
I cannot say I fully understand this. I think some of it comes from a personal commitment to living with a heart wide open, no matter what?
Within my own life experience, I have had people do things others find "unforgivable." I set boundaries, I experience anger, I sometimes experience trouble forgiving, etc.
Whenever we judge others, we have something to learn.
Yet, in my heart and in the end, a love for other human beings wins out. I may not like what they are doing or did. I may not be able to deal with them personally; yet, a love for them -- a sincerely unconditional well wish -- prevails.
It's not because I need more experience with human nature and all it can do. I live with C-PTSD and know, first hand, all about human nature, etc.
As I have written, I cannot fully explain the reason I feel this way. I have ample reason to be closed off and bitter, to be unforgiving, even hostile. It just doesn't sit well with me to be anything but open-hearted.
WC |
The “heart wide open” is why I don’t feel like I belong “here” because it’s too painful.
I’ve always had a heart that looked and hoped for the best in people. I’ve put myself out there wanting and waiting for that feeling that I never experienced before.
Being known fully and accepted, and understood with compassion in my weaknesses, with safety, and to also have that accepted with no motive on their part.
If that makes sense.
Ya know,
To just be fully known and accepted and feel safety in that,
there’s so much to say about that and feel in that.
I don’t know that I have words for it.
Vulnerable of course is THE word, but there is more that I can’t really put a word to.
It feels like it comes from something deep that has been neglected.
It’s a feeling of wanting to be safe enough to experience it without having to earn it.
I’m repeating myself from before, I know. I’m just there.
http://As I have written, I cannot f... open-hearted.
This is so me! I don’t know how to be open and not protective, it’s a painful bind.